After initial diagnosis. Feelings and emotions can be all over the place.  The phone never stops and flowers and letters arrive daily.  Everyone deals with the news that they have cancer differently.  Some retreat into their own bubble, others are in denial, some are shell shocked, whilst others deal with their cancer head on and positively.  No two people are the same.  The following suggestions are ways that you as a member of family or a friend can do to help.  Always ask if what you would like to do to help is wanted.  Not everyone likes not being able to carry on as normal.  Do not be offended if your help is refused. By all means offer to help later on when a routine  has been established regarding hospital appointments etc.  You may find that your offer to take the children to school greatly received.

 

1.  Letters.  We all love to receive letters and emails.  No more is this welcome than when ill.  What I found lovely was every day news of people and events that were local to me.  I didn't want to read about how I was strong enough to cope and how I must stay positive.  I knew that without being told!  So keep it light and interesting and always finish off by no need to reply.  It takes the pressure off.

 2.  Food.  We have all got to eat, but often when feeling ill do not want to  What one lady started was a supper rota.  It spares your friend the hassle of thinking or planning a shop, as well as cooking for the family. The more that get involved  the better.  I know of one rota where there are 18 people involved.  Even complete strangers have wanted to help and this is an ideal way.  Family sized shepherds pie, lazagne and cassaroles are brilliant as they can be frozen as well.

 3. The school run.  Whether it is offering to take your friends children in the morning or picking them up at home time.  This is one of biggest worries for anyone undergoing cancer treatment.  The reality  is that they will want the children to have as much normality as possible and having someone help with the children is of great benefit.

 

4. During hospital appointments.  They can over run on time and are usually on a school day.  It is always great if after picking the children up after school they could go to you for tea.  This allows your friend more time to get home without being rushed.

 

5.  Christmas and birthdays (shopping).  If shopping is your forte then this is perfect for you.  Pick up the list and get shopping.  Stress free, for your friend anyway.  Offer to wrap the presents as well as this can be almost as tiring as shopping for them.

 

6.  Phone calls.  The phone will never stop.  Although the calls are well meaning there is only so many times that you can repeat what is happening next with your treatment.  Answering the phone on behalf or your friend and answering their questions again takes the pressure off.  It is advisable that a rota is set up as the phone does get manic.

7.  Answering the door to well wishers.  Like the phone there will be a steady stream of callers.  Offer a morning a week or an afternoon to attend to all the visitors.  Offering tea and giving an update on your friends treatment.